There are at least five strange statements or events when Yosef's brothers return to Egypt the second time.
One, when the brothers returned to Egypt they offered to return the silver that they found in their sacks from their first trip to Egypt. Yosef’s steward told them they could keep the money since “Your G-d, the G-d of your fathers placed a treasure in your packs,” 43:23. This is a very evasive response since the steward seems to be acknowledging that he knew about the silver but he denies that he placed it in their sacks. Luzzatto (on 43:23) quotes a student of his that this statement was bizarre since it implied that the steward knew something of their family.
Two, the brothers were invited to eat with the ruler of Egypt and Yosef seated them according to their age, 43:33, which could not have been fortuitous since all except for Binyamin were born within a few years of each other. The fact that this was quite amazing is that the end of 43:33 records that the brothers were amazed that Yosef was able to discern their ages. The Torah does not explain how Yosef knew the brother’s ages, it also never refers to this incident again. Why is it recorded in the Torah? Later, Yosef will tell the brothers don’t you know that I have special powers, 44:15, which could be referring to his ability to know their ages. Yet, from this case we know that Yosef had no special powers, as he had set up Binyamin, and then here too we see that Yosef, if he was a stranger, had no way of knowing the ages of the brothers.
Three, after Yosef met Binyamin, he said, “May G-d show you favor, my son!” 43:29, and then he proceeded to give Binyamin more portions of food than the other brothers, 43:34. While it always must have seemed odd to the brothers that this ruler of Egypt wanted them to bring Binyamin to Egypt, how could they explain Yosef’s apparent partiality towards Binyamin? Also, the term “my son” is completely out of place since Binyamin was clearly not Yosef's son, and this term must have aroused the brother's suspicion why a stranger would call their brother my son. In Hebrew, the term my son, beni, is the exact same sound of the beginning of Binyamin's name, and then the use of this term, beni, could be because Yosef was hinting to his brothers that he knew Binyamin's name.
Four, Yosef asked about Yaakov’s wellbeing, 43:27, and later told them “go in peace to your father,” 44:17. Why should Yaakov’s wellbeing have been a concern for an Egyptian ruler?
Five, it must have been strange to the brothers to learn that Yosef could not eat with the Egyptians, 43:32, which would inform them that Yosef was not an Egyptian.
An explanation for all these actions is that Yosef was trying to hint to the brothers his true identity, see Pava (1993). First, as we discuss on 37:25-34, 42:21, “Who sold Yosef?” the brothers knew that Yosef had been sold to traders going to Egypt and had not died when they threw him into the pit. Thus, they knew that it was not impossible for Yosef to be the ruler of Egypt.
While the brothers did not initially recognize Yosef, 42:8, they associated being thrown into jail with their actions towards Yosef, 42:21,22, and Yosef heard them making this association, 42:23.
Afterwards when they returned to Canaan, the most natural thing would have been for them to have investigated who was this person who had accused them of being spies and imprisoned Shimon. It would not have taken much effort for them to have learned that the ruler of Egypt had once been a slave and had interpreted dreams to win his freedom. This story was so incredible that surely it become public knowledge. This information in conjunction with their knowledge of Yosef’s dreams must have raised the possibility in their minds that Yosef was their Egyptian adversary. The strange events upon their return to Egypt would have reinforced their suspicion that it truly was Yosef. Furthermore, when they were drinking together, 43:34, they had more time to look carefully at Yosef in an informal setting, and recognize Yosef.
Even though they thought he was Yosef, they could not confront Yosef since there was the possibility that Yosef would have been upset with them for ending the charade, as even when Yosef identified himself, they were scared of him, 45:3. Accordingly, the brothers had to play Yosef’s game until Yosef chose to reveal himself.
Why did Yosef give all these hints to his brothers while not openly telling them he was Yosef? Yosef wanted the brothers to know who they bowed down to, and he might have thought that if the brother did not who he was, then their bowing would not have been a fulfillment of the dreams. However, if he openly revealed himself to his brothers, then they might not have bowed down to him.
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