Sunday, November 3, 2013

Bereshit 37:2-14 (Va-yeshev) – Yaakov's parenting

Bereshit 37:2 records that Yosef was 17 years old and he would tattle on his brothers, Dan Naftali, Gad and Asher (the sons of Bilha and Zilpa) to his father. It is surprising that Yosef felt the need to tattle since usually this would be the behavior of little kids and not of a 17 year old. In any event, the tattling surely did not endear Yosef to his brothers, but nothing is recorded concerning the brother's re-action to Yosef's tattling.

37:3 then records that Yaakov loved Yosef more than his other children since he was a ben zekunim (see our discussion on 37:3, "The anticipated child") and Yaakov gave Yosef a fancy special coat. After this action, the Torah records that the brothers hated Yosef, 37:4.

Why would Yaakov reveal his greater love for Yosef? The Talmud (Shabbat 10b) quotes Raba ben Mehasia who said in the name of Rebi Hama ben Giora who said in the name of Rav that from this case we learn that a parent should not favor one child over another. Did Yaakov not know this rule that a parent should not favor one child? Why would Yaakov have thought that his other children would accept his favoritism?

One possibility is that Yaakov was acting as a parent from what he learned from his parents. 27:28 records that Yitzhak loved/ favored Esav, while Rivka loved/ favored Yaakov. According to this idea, Yaakov thought it was perfectly fine to favor one child over another. Yet, when Yosef told his dreams to his brothers and to Yaakov, Yaakov attempted to reprimand Yosef in order that the brothers would not hate the Yosef. Yaakov gave an interpretation of the dream which showed that the dream could not be true, even though Yaakov really thought that the dream was a sign of the future, see our discussion on 37:9,10 "Yosef's dreams of the stars, the moon and the sun" Thus, the question remains why would Yaakov show such overt favoritism to Yosef by giving him the special coat if it could cause the brothers to hate Yosef and himself?

My guess is that Yaakov was gambling when he gave Yosef the special coat. Most likely Yaakov had told Yosef to stop tattling but Yosef was not listening to him. Yaakov was unable to discipline his children and to assert his authority in the house, as for example in the case of Reuven and Bilha, 35:22. What was Yaakov to do to stop Yosef from tattling?

Yaakov strategy was that the coat would change Yosef's behavior that Yosef would no longer tattle, and then this would reduce some of the enmity in the household. The logic would depend on what the coat signified. If it signified greater authority (see Seforno on 37:3), then the idea was that with this added authority Yosef would not feel a need to tell Yaakov what the other brothers were doing. Or if the coat was just a sign of love, then Yaakov thought that Yosef was tattling to win points with him, and then the coat was to tell Yosef that since he was so loved there was no need to tattle. With this idea we see the connection between 37:2 and 37:3 and we understand why the Torah had to inform us about Yosef's tattling since it was the reason why Yaakov gave Yosef the special coat.

Yaakov knew that there was a chance that his other sons would resent his favoritism, but he thought they probably already knew that he loved Yosef more, and hence he was gambling that the added level of overt favoritism was worth the chance that the Yosef would stop tattling which would lead overall to greater family unity.

Alas, Yaakov's gamble did not work. The coat caused more resentment and while the Torah does not record that Yosef continued to tattle, Yosef still felt the need to reveal his dreams to his brothers. As mentioned above, Yaakov tried to stop this by giving an unrealistic interpretation to the second dream, but this also did not work as the brothers were still jealous of Yosef, 37:11. This led Yaakov to gamble even more.

37:13,14 records that Yaakov asked Yosef to go visit his brothers in Shekhem to see how they were doing. Why did Yaakov send Yosef?

Yaakov was not oblivious to the brother’s hatred of Yosef, but he realized that he was unable to close the rift between Yosef and his brothers. Furthermore, he knew that Yosef being alone with his brothers away from home would be unpleasant for Yosef, but he did not think that Yosef’s life would be in danger since he knew from the dreams that Yosef would succeed. His plan was that if all of his sons (except Binyamin) were together far away from home, then maybe they might be able to restore their relationship on their own. Thus, he took the risk of sending Yosef to his brothers in the hope of unifying the family, but alas it too failed.